There's No Place Like Home! (Unless Home is Louisiana)

So a lot has happened since my last post on this blog. I moved to Louisiana, lived there for a year, backpacked in Europe, and then moved to Idaho. So I guess I should start with living in Louisiana.

Look I don't want to offend anyone, but I've always been honest in my blog and I see no reason to stop now. So get ready for some harsh truths. Harsh truth #1: Louisiana sucks. Now I'm sure you are saying to yourself "oh, come on Lauren, there must be some nice things in Louisiana." And to that I say: "FALSE, Louisiana is a cesspool." In fact Louisiana is ranked as one of the most miserable states on usatoday.com. "Now hang on," you say to yourself, "what about the food? The food there is awesome!" My response to that is: "FALSE, crawfish look like mutated cockroaches. Why would anyone want to eat them?!" "Alright," you say, "but what about the weather? Isn't it green and lovely in Louisiana?" Again my response is: "FALSE, Louisiana in the summertime must be what it's like to live in a sweaty man's armpit!"

Now that isn't to say I won't miss anything about Louisiana. There is......there must be something. Give me a minute............................................O.k. got it. My nieces and nephews (maybe my sister and her husband?...I'll have to get back to you on that). I'll miss my amazing boss (Grace) and my wonderful job at the Blanchard branch of Shreve Memorial Library. And my great church family at the Life Journey Church in Bossier City. I will miss all of those things/people. But that is really it.

Anyway, I decided early on last year that I was finally going to travel to Europe. I blame my boss, she got to go to Ireland and France and it made me very jealous. So I went to England, Ireland, and Scotland for 5 weeks in October (2014 in case that wasn't clear). Saw A LOT of stuff, had a lot of fun. But I won't go into that here, I started a travel blog so check that out (it might be a few days before my first post is up though).

Moving on to what I did after coming back from my big Europe trip. I somehow thought it would be a good idea to pack up everything I own (in my Honda Element) and move up to Idaho. Why you ask? Still wondering about that myself. But my family is up here so we shall see. Hopefully I will get a job soon. So fingers crossed.

Now for another harsh truth. Harsh truth #2: driving through Texas is the worst. O.k. now you're probably wondering why I drove through Texas to get to Idaho. Admittedly it does sound ridiculous, but you haven't heard my reasons yet, have you? Sheesh, judgmental much? Anyway, the reason I drove through Texas was because I wanted to spend some time visiting friends in New Mexico before I headed up to Idaho. See? Not ridiculous at all. Back to my assertion about Texas. Texas is huge. And sooooo boring to drive through. A good half of the state is just long stretches of dirt fields. It sucks. On the plus side I did get to stay with a great couple in Abilene (Spencer and Kathy). They were great and I hope I get a chance to see them again soon. But yeah, did not enjoy Texas. I actually cried with joy when I crossed the border into New Mexico. Now I'm not saying New Mexico is the most beautiful state in the U.S. or anything, but it is so much better than Texas! It's not even a  competition.

Anyway I stayed in New Mexico for over a week. I stayed with one of my best friends (whose name I won't mention in order to respect her privacy...it's Sarah by the way). As I was saying I was in New Mexico to visit friends. I got to help my friend get ready to move, by having a garage sale. That was fun (note the sarcasm). No, it really was nice to feel like I was helpful to my friend. And we had a great time sitting around every evening watching Starsky and Hutch (the original T.V. series not the dumb Ben Stiller movie). Yes we like 70's buddy cop shows, you got a problem with that? I also got a chance to visit my old library and see all of my old co-workers. It was really nice to see everyone again! It was especially fun getting to hang out with Tracee and discuss soap operas for hours! I also got to visit with some old family friends (the Woffards) and that was really great. So all in all, I had a really good time visiting my old state (which doesn't seem so bad now that I've lived in Louisiana!).

So yeah, after I left New Mexico I drove to Idaho. That was fun (again note the sarcasm). Yeah, it might not have been the best idea to drive over 2000 miles (from Louisiana to New Mexico to Idaho) while having my car packed so full that I couldn't see out my rearview mirror (or out of my rear window at all).  Fun side note: not the first time I've done that (drove from New Mexico to Tennessee, could barely see anything!)! Also probably not the best idea to drive all that way while also still suffering from a little jet lag from my Europe trip. Yeah, it was cold and I almost ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere more than once, but (spoiler alert!) I didn't die! Indisputable proof that there is a God and he looks out for me! Because seriously I should be dead, like several times over! Every time I had to change lanes, pass a car, or have to back up, I would say a prayer (true story!)!

But yeah, made it to Idaho alive! So far it's been o.k. Idaho is pretty, and cold. I've seen snow, so that's exciting! Nice people here! In fact if I hadn't just gotten back from Ireland and Scotland, I would have thought the people of Idaho were the nicest people ever! Seriously though, the people working at the DMV here in Idaho were insanely nice! DMV employees for crying out loud!!

Well that's pretty much it. Looking for a job, trying not to go insane (I'm staying with my family at the moment). And that's what's going on in my life. Hopefully the start of a great new chapter. Although what could be as bad as living in Louisiana? Am I right?! Sorry Holly and Chris.

Really Wishing I Had Warp Drive For My Car

Hey everyone, long time no blog.  It has been a year since my last one.  Sorry guys but I have a life.  Alright you all know that's a lie, but just pretend o.k.?  Well I have spent the last year living in Tennessee with my best friend and her 2 kids.  Oh and I think she has a husband but I really don't recall ever seeing him.  Anyway the past year has been...fun (note the sarcastic tone).  I'm kidding it really has been good.  I really love the church we go to and the friends I've made here.  I'm really going to miss it.  Yes, that's right I'm moving again.  This time I'm heading to Louisiana to live with my sister.  Yep, I found someone else to mooch off of, score! 

Now I should tell you why I'm moving.  Well, it's a little sad, you might want to have some tissues handy.  Ready?  Here goes...my so called friends are abandoning me.  Cruel right?  I mean who moves to Alaska anyway?  Are there even people there?  Isn't it just a lot of moose and snow?  I know what you're thinking: who are these terrible insensitive people?  I will refrain from naming names, but they know who they are.

In all seriousness the friends I've been staying with are amazing.  2 of the nicest, caring, most awesomest people I have ever met.  And 2 of the sweetest, most adorable, and accident prone children I have ever met.  I will miss all of them very much.  (Really wishing I had some tissues handy now.)

But enough depressing talk.  Let's move on to happier topics.  Like the fact that I'm getting to move in with my niece and nephews.  And I have to say they are the cutest kids on the planet.   That's right, I said CUTEST.  You could try and argue with me but that would be...illogical.  So I am really looking forward to getting to spend time with my family.  Mainly my niece and nephews, but my sister is there too.  And that's nice, I guess.  Oh, and she has a husband too.  Can't think of his name at the moment, but I'm sure it'll be nice seeing him too.

Anyway, in my last blog I did a pro/con list about New Mexico.  So I think it's only fitting to do one about Tennessee as well.  Here goes:

Pro:  My awesome church family.  I have loved going to the Vineyard and will truly miss everyone there.

Con:  The humidity.  Last summer was unpleasant.

Pro:  The rain.  I have to say even though I hate the humidity it really is nice to have water.

Con:  Being so far away from my family.  I haven't seen them in a year and it really sucks.

Pro:  Gatlinburg.  Gatlinburg was soooo much fun!

Con:  Not being able to find a steady job here.  The job I did find was very part-time and wasn't really worth it.

Well there you have it the pros and cons of living in Tennessee.  At least for me anyway.  I guess that's it for now.  I should get to bed, I've got to drive 8+ hours tomorrow.  Really wishing I had warp drive on my car.  Too many Star Trek references for one blog?  What's too many?  Oh, the new movie was AWESOME!!!!  Anyway gotta go.  Peace out.

Leaving on a Jet Plane (minus the part about the plane)

I’m moving.  Yes, “all my bags are packed and I’m ready to go,” well almost anyway.  I know this blog is a little late considering the fact that I’m leaving the state in just a few short weeks, but hey I’ve been busy.  As most of you know (or should know…really I mean come on, where are your priorities people?) I am moving to Tennessee at the end of June.  I only have 4 days left of work and by the 28^th I’ll be saying goodbye to New Mexico.  I have lived in this state my entire life.  Sad isn’t it?  But in honor of my move I have decided to make a pro/con list about New Mexico.  Things I love and will miss, and things I hate and hope to never have to deal with again.  Let’s get started shall we?

Pro: The food.  They put chile and salsa on everything here.  And I love it.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without things like tortillas and salsa.  I may starve.  And what’s it going to be like going to a restaurant where they don’t ask you “red or green”?

Con: The weather.  No rain, no snow, just the stupid wind.

Pro: The White Sands.  Come on, it’s cool (depending on when you go, because it can be hot).  Question: how much fun is it to slide down a hill of white sand on the lid of trash can?  Answer: a lot.

Con: No water.  I know it’s a desert but still.  No water equals nothing to look at but tumbleweeds and cactus.  Not real pretty when it’s the only thing you’ve ever had to look at.  I dream about going someplace green.

Pro: No humidity.  The only good thing about having no water is little or no humidity.  Of course where I’m moving there is a ton of humidity so that’s something to look forward to.

Con: “International shipping.”  If I had a nickel for every person who thinks New Mexico isn’t part of the U.S.  It is particularly annoying when you buy something online, only to have the seller claim that they don’t offer “international shipping.”

Pro: Christmas decorations.  I love that in New Mexico all you need is sand, paper bags, and candles and you have all the necessary ingredients for the perfect holiday decoration.  Ah luminarias, I will miss you.  And what about chile pepper wreaths hung everywhere?  How will I know it's Christmas if I don't see chile wreaths hung by the chimney with care?

Con: The dry heat.  Now I hate humidity but the dry heat isn’t much fun either.  The fact that my skin is always cracked or chapped or peeling is not something I will miss.  In fact even as I’m writing this my lip is cracked and bleeding from sitting in the sun yesterday.  Or how about the fact that the wiper blades on my car need replacing every few months, not from actual use mind you, but from the stupid sun beating down on them day after day.

Pro: Clean air.  New Mexico is one of the least polluted states in the U.S.  In fact New Mexico has consistently ranked high in the American Lung Association’s annual “Cleanest Cities Reports.”  Here are some links to articles on the subject if you’re interested: 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/11/air-pollution-us-cleanest-cities_n_854079.html#s269722&title=1_Cheyenne_WY and http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2012/real_estate/1204/gallery.cleanest-cities/index.html.

So there you have it; all the things I will miss about New Mexico when I’m gone and some things I’ll be so glad to be rid of.  Well I should go; I need to get back to packing and cleaning.  Ah the joys of moving.

Ode to a Typewriter

Well I know it has been a while since my last blog, like five months or something.  And I could try and explain by saying how busy I’ve been.  But that would be a lie.  I have been very un-busy.  O.k. that is not entirely true, July and August where pretty busy months for me.   I was getting a new apartment, packing, moving, praising the Lord that I no longer live with the idiot twins anymore, etc.  But the last couple months have been pretty quiet.  It’s nice.  I have been catching up on 4 ½ years of books, movies, and T.V. shows that I was too busy to read/watch while I was in school.

Anyway you’re probably wondering about the title of my blog.  “Let me explain…no there is too much, let me sum up.”  Anybody get that quote?  If you didn’t, I can no longer speak to you.  And you should stop reading right now, because nothing I say will ever make to sense to you.  It was from The Princess Bride by the way, but if you’re still reading you already knew that.  But I digress.  My mom has been de-cluttering her house, which means trying to get me to take all the stuff she no longer wants.  And one of these things was her old typewriter.  I was actually very glad to take this off her hands.  This is the typewriter I used to sneak out of her closet and mess with.  Until she finally told me I could put it in my room.  I love that typewriter.  I would sit for hours typing any random thought that came into my head.  I started so many stories, and wrote so much nonsense.  Those were good times. 

So tonight I finally got it out of its case and set it up on my little table (another item mom gave me by the way).  I’d forgotten how much fun it was to type on that thing.  I started giggling after the first sentence.  Is there anything more fun that typing on a typewriter?  I don’t think there is.  It is so much more fun than typing on a computer.  The keyboard is much harder to press on, it takes so much more effort, but it’s so worth it.  The keys make such a fun sound when you hit them with your fingers, and man will it give your fingers a workout.  And then the best part, the little “ding” when you get to the end of a row.  Now if your computer makes noise it usually means something bad has happened, an error of some kind.  But a typewriter can never get a virus, or freeze right in the middle of some important task, and since mine is manual it doesn’t matter if the electricity or the internet goes out.  Does it take more concentration?  Do you actually need to know how to spell words?  Yes, but is that a bad thing?  I don’t think it is.  It is just so satisfying to have a thought and be able to immediately put it on paper.  It is completely different from a computer.  Because after you type something on a computer, you first have to save it, then turn on your printer, load the paper, hit print, say a prayer that it actually gets sent to the printer and that you have enough ink, and then and only then will your thoughts appear on paper.

I know, I know, I’m a big nerd for thinking a typewriter is so cool.  But so what?  I’m a nerd, I freely admit that.  And now this big nerd is going to go and sit in a comfortable chair and read my nice leather bound edition of Sherlock Holmes.  That’s right I’m going to go read.  Jealous?

Freedom

Free at last!  I am officially done with college!  Happy dance!  Thank you God!  No more papers.  No more exams.  No more all-nighters.  No more stress eating away the lining of my stomach.  No more evil professors who dislike me for no good reason.  No more stupid people in the back of the class saying idiotic things like, “well why are we focusing so much on skin color, isn’t it what’s on the inside that matters?” when discussing the importance of race in film.  I wanted to say, “Yes that’s what should matter, but we live in the REAL world, not fantasy land.”  No more lugging 20 pounds of books around campus in my little suitcase on wheels.  No more getting hit by cars on the way to school.  It is finally OVER!

I don’t quite know what to do with myself.  I have been in school for 4 ½ years.  It is oddly unsettling knowing there is nothing I should be doing.  For example, any other year around this time I would be done with one semester and getting ready for the next.  In fact I would probably be getting ready for the summer semester right about now.  But now I don’t have to worry anymore.  It’s weird.

But I have been doing some productive things.  I sold back every textbook I own, all 30 of them.  I got $140 for them, score!  But I don’t have to lug them around anymore or trip over them in my room so it was totally worth it.  I also took back all the library books I had checked out, all 59 of them.  And those were just the books I used for this semester.  If you totaled up all the library books I checked out for school projects I bet the numbers would be in the thousands.  I also went shopping so now I have food to eat.  Eating just was not a priority when I was writing 3 research papers in a week and studying for finals that were the next week.  I also went through every piece of clothing I own and I’m getting rid of 2 full trash bags of clothes.  So I am not just sitting around doing nothing.  Well actually right now I am, but that is only because I am so sore from lugging the aforementioned books down a flight of stairs and back to the library/bookstore.  It may not have been the smartest idea to do this all in the same day.  Because I have to tell you, nothing weighs more than hardback, boring books about communism and Russia.  But I am planning on soaking in a bath later to loosen up my muscles.  That’s right I have time to take baths now!  Happy dance again!

Anyway I should go and take that bath because I’m actually in quite a bit of pain.  So, I’ll talk to you later.  Oh, and by the way I am starting a new blog called “Say it With Cheese.”  On this blog I plan on posting recipes (not just cheese recipes) because I actually have time to cook now.  Next week I plan on making enchiladas.  Stay tuned.

Good Samaritans

“People suck,” is my usual philosophy.  In fact, most days I think people are just plain evil.  But today I was reminded that there are still some good, kind people in this world.  This morning, after only getting about 4 hours of sleep, I woke up way too early to walk to class.  I was incredibly tired and stressed because I had to give a presentation today.  On top of which I was running behind, and lugging an extra 10 pounds around in my suitcase.  So there I was trudging along, feeling and looking like death, when someone pulls up to me and offers me a ride.  Now I should pause here and say that I have been walking to school almost every day for the past year and no one has EVER offered me a ride before.  But I digress, anyway this girl stops her car and asks me if I need a ride.  I normally wouldn’t take rides from strangers, but considering the fact that she was obviously a student, and the fact that it was way too early for any freaks and weirdos to be out, I happily accepted. 

 

It really felt like God was looking out for me, because I have to be honest I don’t think I have ever needed a ride so badly before.  And that kind of set the tone for the whole day.  I got to class early, for once it wasn’t freezing inside, and the professor let us out early.  Then I went to get some breakfast, and it was sooooo good.   It was an egg sandwich on a croissant role, with Swiss cheese and turkey bacon.  Then I went to finish working on my presentation, which I finished on time.  I also told the professor how there was a good probability that I might vomit so he let me go first.  Going first is always the best because then it’s over and you can sit back and relax.  I think my presentation went pretty well, I was more prepared than some people.  Then while I was walking home, a guy from my class stops me and asks me if he could borrow one of the books I recommended to him, I agree and he gave me a ride home to pick it up.  So I didn’t have to walk practically at all today.  Which was good, because I might have passed out from exhaustion.  I should pause here and mention that the guy who gave me a ride was married (so don’t get any ideas people) and he is a cop so I wasn’t worried about accepting a ride with him.

So, all in all a pretty good day and those don’t usually come along this close to the end of the semester.  For example, around this same time last semester I got pulled over by the cops and got hit by a car while I was walking (the second time this has happened since I moved to Cruces).  Which is why I think I was so surprised that someone offered me a ride, most of the time I feel like I’m invisible to people driving, that seems to be the only explanation for the numerous times I have been hit or almost hit.  So for once it seems I caught a break and it seems that there are still some good Samaritans out there.  And I just wanted to tell people about it.

Combating The Moronic Plague

Hello again, after my last post I decided to try and think about what we, as a society, can do to combat the "moronic plague" that our nation seems to be going through.  I was in class today, "History of the Global Political Economy," and we discussed the recession and other current topics.  And my professor said that he wanted this course to educate us at least a little about our current economy and the problems it is facing.  He said that knowledge was power and that we should try and educate the people we know as well.  I took this to mean, help lower the amount of stupid people in the world.  So here is my attempt.  I just read a very good book about the economic crisis.  It discussed, among many things, why everything went to hell in 2008.  The book is "I.O.U.: Why Everyone Owes Everyone and No One Can Pay" by John Lanchester.  Here is the link to its Amazon webpage http://www.amazon.com/I-U-Why-Everyone-Owes/dp/B0048ELDUU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302849369&sr=1-1.  This book does a very good job of dumbing down very complex financial ideas.  And Lanchester does it in a very humorous way.  So there is my contribution.  If at least one person reads the book, I can say I have educated someone.  And I have thus done my part in the war against morons.

And while we are discussing improving people, I would like to bring up donating to charities.  Now I know most of the people reading this aren't exactly rich by anyone's standards.  But if any of you could donate even the smallest amount to an organization like UNICEF for example, I would very much appreciate it (and so would the people you'd be helping).  I donate to UNICEF every once in a while, not as much as I should, considering how much I spend on food that is bad for me.  But anyway, just wanted to put that out there.

Before I go I would like to leave you with yet another glimpse into my world.  I will call this segment "the stupid things my roommates say."  The other day one of my roommates, let's call her K, said to a group of her friends, and I quote, "Oh, yeah dog smell is totally sexy, that plus the smell of meat from Outback [where she works] totally turns guys on, I have to beat them off with a stick."  Now some might argue that she was just kidding.  And I would agree somewhat.  She was half-kidding.  Meaning she was half-serious.  Yep, these are the morons I live with.  "Like sand through the hourglass, so are the morons of our lives."  Oh and that reminds me the morons at ABC have canceled both All My Children and One Life to Live.  I am in mourning over this.  And you will be too when you hear what they're replacing these shows with, more reality programming.  One of which is entitled "The Chew."  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  Oh, yeah don't they have another show called "The View"?  Yes, that's how much imagination was put into this idea.  I'm excited for that show.  Note the hint of sarcasm.